*A fair warning to any men potentially about to read this-- I may mention things like "periods" and "ovulation" and other things that make men light-headed. Proceed with caution* ;)
Since The Hubby and I finally decided to try to have a baby, I have been wanting to scream it from the mountaintops! I want to tell everybody I see. The thing is though, we both want to keep it between the two of us...our little secret...something precious for us to share. Well, easier said than done. I just assumed I would pick the conception date off the calendar, do the deed, and pee a positive. I simply assumed that I would only have to keep our little secret (*whisper* we're about to be parents) for a few weeks, then we would be able to share the news with everyone we know... but as the saying goes, "the best laid plans...."
If you knew me, you'd know that me trying to keep that news between the two of us is as likely as you being able to fill up your SUV for $40 tomorrow...ain't gonna happen. So I told a girlfriend at work. And wouldn't you know it, her and her husband were about to start trying that month too. So now I had a fellow ovulation-obessed friend to go through all of these exciting things with. We'll call her Fertile Myrtle.
The end of February/early March was the first month we made a crack at it...I just KNEW I was pregnant. I got an early pregnancy test (by the way, I totally dipped the wrong end of the stick the first time) and it was negative. I told myself, "maybe it was just too early for an early predictor." So I waited until the day before I was supposed to start, took another one. Negative. In my head, I'm still finding ways of talking my way out of a negative. I don't start Wednesday, don't start Thursday, finally take another test Friday...still negative. I had my mini-meltdown, told myself to have a meeting with reality, and lo and behold I started not fifteen minutes later. I'm pretty sure that my brain convinced my uterus to cooperate with my craziness.
April comes along...per my friend, Fertile Myrtle, we both decide to get some ovulation predictor strips (from the Dollar Store, mind you...we walk up to the check-out counter with 10 ovulation tests and 4 pregnancy tests and get a look from that cashier like we have lost our ever-loving minds). So we are anxious to test 'em out. We go to the private restroom at work. I go first, sit the strip on the shelf over the sink so it can do it's thing for the next three minutes, and leave so she can come in and pee on hers. When she walks out, she is shaking her head in confusion. She said, "Girl...where did you put your pee?" I told her I put it in the big well in the middle and she died laughing. I coated the results strip with urine. Good lord. At least it was only a dollar, right?
No luck this month either. 0 for 3. I guess I have broken that little secret of ours by telling the world. But you won't say anything, will you?
I have learned that my timing is irrevelent. I have had a not-so-gentle reminder that I am not in control. As a believer, I know the Psalm is true: "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." I just have to keep reminding myself that I am not the knitter.
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